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Vic and Sade Old Time Radio Scripts

Vic and Sade Discuss a Close Friendship

By Paul Rhymer


VicandSade Announcer: Well sir, we have no scene as we enter the small house half-way up in the next block now, because within the largest upstairs bed-room where we are taking you it is pitch dark and almost twelve-o'clock midnight. But here's a voice. Listen.

SADE: [Softly] Vic?
VIC: [With a bare edge of gruffness] What?
SADE: Asleep?
VIC: Yeah.
SADE: No, you're not.
VIC: Yes, I am.
SADE: Talk to me a minute.
VIC: I'm very drowsy.
SADE: Vic, I don't wanta go to sleep mad.
VIC: Whatcha mad about?
SADE: I'm not mad. But you are.
VIC: Me? Mad? Laughable. My soul never was so much at peace. I never was so serene.
SADE: Fred don't mean to be aggravating.
VIC: Sade, you'll kindly not mention that name to me again. I've finished with Fred Stembottom. I play no more Five Hundred with Fred Stembottom. I brush no more elbows with Fred Stembottom. Fred Stembottom an' I are quits.
SADE: know you feel bad about tonight.
VIC: [With spirit] Who feels bad about tonight? I don't feel bad about tonight. I feel good about tonight. Tonight has taught me that a man can cherish a rattle-snake as a friend an'...
SADE: A little lower, Vic.
VIC: Huh?
SADE: You'll wake Rush up talkin' so loud.
VIC: Very well, I'll say now more. Let us sleep. I bid you good-night. [With finality] Good night.
SADE: [After a brief pause] It's just this way.
VIC: What's just who's way?
SADE: It's just Fred's way to get under a person's skin.
VIC: He didn't get under my skin. He might of thought he got under my skin, but he didn't get under my skin.
SADE: Jokin' is all it really is. I realize that kind of jokin' bothers a person.
VIC: It didn't bother me by a long shot.
SADE: [Timidly] You got kinda red in the face.
VIC: [Tough] What?
SADE: You…kinda squirmed in your chair when he was talkin'.
VIC: [Louder than necessary] Who wouldn't squirm around in their chair listenin' to such ignorant bunk? Who wouldn't
SADE: Please, Vic--Rush.
VIC: [Referring to Fred] The fat head.
SADE: [Brief pause] It's just Fred's way.
VIC: Just his way, hey? Some way, I'll say.
[A poem]
SADE: I know he's stubborn an' loud-talkin' but he's a wonderful husband to Ruthie an' such a good provider an' sends money to his folks an' just as soon give you the shirt off his back as…
VIC: I don't want the shirt off his back. I wouldn't have the shirt off his back. An' I'll tell ya this, Sade, I've been in that guy's house for the last time. The--last--time.
SADE: I bet if he had any idea you felt this way about it, he'd just more'n apologize. I bet he'd come over a-kitin' sayin' how sorry he…
VIC: If he comes over a-kitin' I'd send him right back again a-kitin'. Listen, were we or were we not guests at his home tonight?
SADE: 'Course we were guests over there in his home tonight an' that's why I say…
VIC: Let me say a minute ... long as we're gonna lay in bed till morning talking. We were guests over there tonight. We were invited over there to play a sociable game of cards. What did our courteous host do? He lit right in an' told his guest his business was just so much hooey. He spent twenty minutes laughin' about his guest's...
SADE: No, he didn't, Vic. He...
VIC: [Exercised] He didn't? He didn't? Fred Stembottom didn't sit there at that card-table with that big wide dumb half-wit grin on his face an' snort over how funny my job down at the Plant...
SADE: Vic, please. You're talkin' terrible loud. Rush's got to have his sleep.
VIC: O.K. I didn't ask to discuss this. You're the one that wanted to have a pleasant chat in the middle of the night.
SADE: Couldn't you just bring your voice down a little?
VIC: I'll bring my voice down to nothin'. I need sleep myself. I bid you good-night. Good-night.
SADE: [Ignoring this] Fred didn't laugh at your job, Vic.
VIC: Oh, he didn't, huh? Where were you? In Canada? He sat there with that monkey-face grin an' went on for twenty minutes about the Kitchenware Industry. [Mocks Fred] 'How do they get men to go in Kitchenware, Vic? Do they pick 'em out of insane asylums or do they stunt the brains of new-born babies?'
SADE: He just meant that to be funny.
VIC: Did you think it was funny?
SADE: No, but...
VIC: I should think it'd burn you up to hear cheap cracks like that about your husband's work.
SADE: I didn't think it was very smart of Fred to go on like that, but just the same I realized he was only...
VIC: We make our living out of Kitchenware. The food we eat comes from Kitchenware. Our money in the bank comes from Kitchenware. I've spent going on twenty years of my life in Kitchenware. All the future I got is Kitchenware.
SADE: No, I don't think it was very smart of Fred to go like that but just the same I realized...
VIC: An' who the heck is Fred Stembottom? Nothin' but a rotten little thirty-two-dollar-a-week clerk that only hangs on to his job because his bosses are too kind-hearted to...
SADE: [Reproach] Oh, Vic.
VIC: Oh, I wouldn't tell that to him. I wouldn't tell it to nobody. But what if I had said things like that tonight? He did. To me.
SADE: [Small voice] Only foolin' though.
VIC: [Scornfully] "Only foolin'." "Only foolin'."
SADE: Well, he was only foolin'. I know Fred's a little stupid when it comes to lots of things but I know as sure as there's a man in the moon that he wouldn't set out to hurt...
VIC: What surprises me, Sade, is that you didn't get mad yourself. That's what surprises me.
SADE: I did get a little mad. I...
VIC: Certainly acted it. You an' Ruthie both sat there an' giggled while Fred was hittin' up the two-bit comedy. Laughed out loud when he called me "The Prince of Pots an' Pans" an' the "Sweetheart of the Fryin' Skittle."
SADE: I laughed because...
VIC: Never mind. It's O.K. It won't happen again. I've been in Fred Stembottom's house for the last time an' you can put that in your pipe an' smoke it. Now let's go to sleep. Must be going on one o'clock.
SADE: Vic, don't get mad, but...
VIC: I'm not mad.
SADE: Don't you...can't you kinda see where... Don't get mad now at what I say, will ya?
VIC: I'm not mad. I'm not mad. Can't I kinda see what?
SADE: Can't you see where you were a little bit to blame tonight?
VIC: How?
SADE: Fred didn't start his joshin' till - till after you give him a little joshin'.
VIC: Did I run down his job? Did I make fun of the way he makes a living? Did I poke him in the spot that it hurts the worst?
SADE: No, but... [Halts]
VIC: But what?
SADE: You kinda went after his goat early in the evening there.
VIC: When?
SADE: Well - remember when Ruthie served the ice cream?
VIC: I do.
SADE: Remember what was bein' said?
VIC: I complimented Ruthie on her ice cream, stated it was delicious, announced it was my favorite flavor, an' in every way behaved like a guest is s'posed to behave.
SADE: Do you remember - I may not get this exactly right - but do you remember sayin' you liked ice cream served in round chunks like baseballs?
VIC: I do.
SADE: An' then you recollect what Fred said?
VIC: Somethin' insulting, I imagine. What'd he say?
SADE: He said speakin' of baseball it wouldn't be long now before -- Izzy Bean, is it?
VIC: Dizzy Dean.
SADE: He said speakin' of baseball it wouldn't be long now before Dizzy Dean would be fannin' out National League batters like sick flies.
VIC: I recall the remark, yes.
SADE: An' then you said Dizzy Dean was just so much wet gunpowder an' oughta be plowin' corn down on the farm.
VIC: Sure. That's right. Dizzy Dean's a flash in the pan.
SADE: That got under Fred's skin.
VIC: What did?
SADE: The things you said about Dizzy Dean. He thinks Dizzy Dean is marvelous. Keeps a scrap-book about him an' everything. Listens to the radio. Thinks the sun rises an' sets on Dizzy Dean.
VIC: That's another example of Fred's stupidity.
SADE: But you were trompin' on his toes with the things you said.
VIC: Good.
SADE: Trompin' on 'em good an' hard. I saw his neck get red as fire one time there when you said you'd rather have one pitcher from the bush league than all the Dizzy Deans in the world.
VIC: I was tellin' the truth. I would.
SADE: But it made Fred mad.
VIC: Excellent.
SADE: An' you went right ahead makin' him mad. You were talkin' about his car. Said you'd bet him three to one the transmission wouldn't hold up five hundred miles.
VIC: An' it won't. I was statin' fact. Everybody knows that make of automobile is so much junk.
SADE: But after all it's his car. He paid good money for it. He's as proud of it as Adam. Goes over it with a damp cloth every night of the universe.
VIC: If he was smarter he'd drive it into Sugar Crick.
SADE: But don't you see, Vic?
VIC: See what?
SADE: He didn't make you any madder than you made him. It was just one thing leading to another. Till finally he got on the subject of Kitchenware.
VIC: Well, he won't get on the subject of Kitchenware any more. Not with me. I'm though with the fat-head.
SADE: But won't you admit you were partly to blame for...
VIC: Kiddo, it's getting' on for morning. Let's get some sleep.
SADE: All right.
VIC: Good night.
SADE: Good night.
[Pause] [More Pause]
SADE: Vic.
VIC: I'm asleep.
SADE: It's Ruthie that I'm thinking of.
VIC: What about her?
SADE: She's my best friend.
VIC: Well?
SADE: I wouldn't lose her for anything.
VIC: You don't hafta lose.
SADE: [Pause] When you an' Fred have these flare-ups, naturally the wife sticks to the husband. I noticed tonight. I was peeved when Fred was laughin' at your work an' Ruthie was peeved when you were makin' fun of Fred's baseball players an' his auto. We couldn't help it. We tried to, but was bound to show a little. Like I said, Ruthie is my best friend. My very best friend. I'm with other ladies a lot, yes - - Mis' Donahue an' Mis' Harris an' Mis' Brighton an' Mis Applerot -- but it's not the same. Maybe it's because they're a little older than I am. Maybe it's because they're a little brighter in the head an' got more education. I don't know what it is. But I'm not the same with them as I am with Ruthie. With Ruthie I can laugh an' cry an' fight an' talk nonsense an' just get along marvelous. With other ladies I sorta feel like here I am a woman that aint a girl any longer an' got a fourteen year old boy. See?
VIC: Um.
SADE: Ruthie an' I get along a lot like kids get along. It's hard for married ladies with families to have close friends where you can just take your hair down. An' Ruthie's the only close friend I got. The only one I ever will have probably -- because I'm getting along to an age where women don't make close friends. [Pause] Awake?
VIC: Yeah - I'm listenin'.
SADE: You…see what I mean?
VIC: Uh-huh.
SADE: Don't you think…If you tried don't you think you an' Fred could hit it off better?
VIC: I guess so.
SADE: Mean it?
VIC: Sure. Fred aint beyond redemption. Not a bad egg at all if ya don't take him serious.
SADE: Would it…Would it be all right if...
    [Low giggle because she's afraid to say it]
VIC: Would it be all right if what?
SADE: If I asked 'em over tomorrow night for more cards?
VIC: Fred an' Ruthie?
SADE: Yes.
VIC: Sure.
SADE: You're not just talkin'?
VIC: No, Go ahead--ask 'em over.
SADE: Thanks, Vic.
VIC: Hey, kiddo, don'tcha think we oughta settle down an' get some sleep?
SADE: Yes.
VIC: Good night.
SADE: Good night.

Announcer: Which concludes another brief interlude at the small house half-way up in the next block.

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